Chris Rock: Niggas vs. Black People

Chris Rock from 1996. Transcript from Genius dot com

Now we've got a lot of things, a lot of racism in the world right now,  Who's more racist? Black people or white people? Black people, you know why? Because we hate Black people too! Everything white people don't like about Black people, Black people REALLY don't like about Black people.

There's some shit going on with Black people right now. There's a civil war going on with Black people, and there's two sides: there's Black people and there's niggas. The niggas have got to go. Every time Black people wanna have a good time, ignorant-ass niggas fuck it up. Can't do shit! Can't do shit without some ignorant-ass nigga fucking it up. Can't do nothing. Can't keep a disco open more than 3 weeks! Grand opening, grand closing! Can't go to a movie the first week it comes out! Why? 'Cause niggas are shooting at the screen. What kind of ignorant shit is that? "Hey, this is a good movie, this is so good I gotta bust a cap in here!"

Hey, I love black people, but I hate niggas, boy. Boy, I hate niggas. Boy, I wish they'd let me join the Klu Klux Klan! Shit, I'd do a drive-by from here to Brooklyn. I'm tired of niggas, man! You can't have shit when you around niggas. You can't have shit when you around niggas. You can't have shit! You can't have no big screen TV! You can have it, but you better move it in at 3 in the morning, paint it white, hope niggas think it's a bassinet. Can't have shit in your house! Why?! Because niggas will break into your house. Niggas that live next door to you break into your house, come over the next day and go, "I heard you got robbed." Nigga, you know you robbed me. You ain't hear shit 'cause you was doing shit!

You know the worst thing about niggas? Niggas always want some credit for some shit they supposed to do. A nigga will brag about some shit a normal man just does. A nigga will say some shit like, "I take care of my kids." You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker! What are you talking about?" What kind of ignorant shit is that? "I ain't never been to jail!" What do you want, a cookie?! You're not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker!

Fuck man! I'm tired of this shit! You know what the worst thing about niggas? Niggas love to NOT know. Nothing make a nigga happier than not knowin the answer to your question.
Just ask a nigga a question. Any nigga! "Hey, nigga, what's the capitol of Zaire?" "I don't know that shit! Keepin' it real!" Niggas love to keep it real... Real dumb! Niggas hate knowledge. Shit. Niggas break into your house; you want to save your money? Put it in your books. 'Cause niggas don't read. Just put the money in the books. Shit, books are like Kryptonite to a nigga. "Here's a book!" "AAHHH! NO! NOT A BOOK! NO! NOOOO!" 

 

Tired of this shit, man! Your kids can't fuckin' play nowhere. Every year the space gets smaller! Okay, you can go from that corner to that corner. Oh, you can go from that gate to that gate. By the time that fucker's 10 he's just hoppin' in a circle like...

Tired of this shit, man! Tired. Tired. Tired. Fe, fi, fo, figga, boy, I hate a nigga! Boy. Tired of this shit, man! TIRED, man! Niggas just ignant. Love being... singing 'bout ignorance. I heard some song the other day, "It's the first of the month." Niggas are singing welfare carols! "On the first day of welfare my true love gave to me... I wish you a Merry Welfare and a Happy Food Stamp!"

The fuck is going on?! What the fuck is going on? Now they got some shit. They tryna get rid of welfare. Every time you see welfare in the news, they always show Black people. Black people don't give a fuck about welfare. Niggas are shakin' in they boots. "Boy, they gonna take our shit!"

Shit, a Black man that got two jobs, going to work everyday, hates a nigga on welfare. Like, "Nigga, get a job! I got two! You can't get one?! I would give your lazy ass one of mine, but you'd get fucked up and get laid off! They wouldn't hire another nigga for 10 years!"

Shit, a black woman that got two kids, going to work everyday, bustin' her ass, HATES a bitch with nine kids gittin' a welfare check. Like, bitch stop fuckin'! Stop fucking! Stop it! Put the dick down! Put it down! Get a job! Yes, you can get a job! Get a job holdin' dicks! Whatever you do, get paid to do it!

Tired of this shit, man! I'm tired! Tired. Tired. It ain't all Black people on welfare! Shit! White people on welfare too! We can't give a fuck about them! But we just gotta do our own thing.
Can't go, "Oh, they fucked up, we can be fucked up!" That's ignant! White people don't care! First of all, they try to make it look like... There ain't even that many Black people in the country. okay? Black people are ten percent of the fuckin' population. Black people are in New York, D.C., L.A., Chicago, Atlanta... Like 10 places. Okay? Ain't no Black people in Minnesota! The only black people in Minnesota is Prince and Kirby Puckett. Shit... The whole rest of the country, the other forty states, is filled up with broke-ass white people. Broke-ass, livin' in the trailer home, eatin' mayonnaise sandwiches, fuckin' they sister, listening to John Cougar Mellencamp records! Shit. Get the fuck outta here, man! And they need ya help? Naw, man!

And I see some black people lookin' at me! "Man, why you gotta say that? It ain't us, it's the media. The media has distorted our image to make us look bad! Why must you come down on us like that, brother? It ain't us, it's the media." Please cut the fuckin' shit, okay?! Okay?! Okay?! When I go to the money machine tonight, alright, I ain't lookin' over my back for the media! I'm lookin' for niggas! Shit! Ted Koppel ain't never took shit from me! Niggas have! So, you think I got three guns in my house 'cause the media outside? Oh, shit, Mike Wallace! Run!" Get the fuck outta here, man! Tired of this shit. Tired. Tired. Tired of this shit!